First impressions. First chances. First day of anesthesia clinicals.
Not that the reading and studying ends here. But my 23 classmates and I finally get to place ourselves at the head of the table and put everything we've learned this past year into practice.
Preop. Positioning. Induction. Intubation. Case management. Emergence. Crisis control.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat several times over.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I'm terrified.
The mountain of responsibility that this career involves is intimidating enough on it's own. But I don't want to just make it through every case. I want to be great at my job. I want my patients to always be safe. I don't want to make mistakes. I want people to respect me. I want to prove that I can hack it.
But I care (too much) about what people think of me. I'll beat myself up over a minor critique or a missed IV because I feel like I should be better. I'm not going back to NICU tomorrow, where everyone knows me and I can be myself, flaws accepted. I've never been to RMC in Anniston before in my life. What if I can't answer their questions? What if I tape my tubes wrong? What if I forget to turn up my oxygen flows? What if I look like a complete idiot and make Samford embarrassed to claim me? No pressure...
Our clinical coordinator told us today that, besides all of the actual anesthesia related concerns, this milestone rotation could and probably will involve spiritual battle. Anxiety. Doubt. Fear. The Enemy thrives on all of these, making these next few weeks and months of our lives prime wartime.
If it's not too much to ask of those of you reading this, please remember my classmates and I in your thoughts and prayers. We're doing this because we love helping people through difficult and frightening times in their lives.
But at this point, we would sure love some people to do the same for us. Thanks.
I have found that anytime I go to a new place with new people I have many of the same feelings. Looking back things always seem to be ok and people accept and love me. The same thing will happen to you in your new place. In six months you will look back and see that you are part of their family now.
ReplyDeleteGood luck.
You and I are very much alike in the worry field. But, you are going to do awesome! Just do what you're taught but know that they may do things different there. Stay on edge and be flexible. You know what to do and how to adapt to situations. You'll be fine and in the times when you think you're not, you can always call me and vent! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks, guys! So far, so good!
ReplyDelete